DVD Review: Alvin and the Chipmunks
Twentieth Century Fox Film Stars Jason Lee, Cameron Richardson
Nov 20, 2008
Do you hear that? That's this reviewer, trying not to tear out his own eyeballs, after having witnessed the cinematic travesty that is 20th Century Fox's Alvin and the Chipmunks.
It's a indifferently directed comedy, utterly devoid of laughs, derived from a script filled with every cinematic cliché known to screenwriting. It's rated PG for "some mild rude humour" but should have been rated SDoF for "severely devoid of funny."
What's It About?
David Seville (Jason Lee) is an aspiring songwriter who can't get a break. He hates his marketing job, he's still in love with his ex-girlfriend (Cameron Richardson) and a slimy record executive (David Cross) recently told him to give it up because he's . . . well, crap.
By lucky circumstance, he ends up with a muffin basket full of 3 singing chipmunks: obnoxious Alvin (Justin Long), brainy Simon (Matthew Gray Gubler) and innocent Theodore (Jesse McCartney). After ripping apart his house and ruining a date with the aforementioned ex-girlfriend, the Chipmunks make it up to the frazzled Seville by recording his latest tune, "Christmas Don't Be Late" (otherwise known as "The Chipmunk Song," Ross Bagdasarian's 1958 hit).
Before you can say, "I saw that one coming," the Chipmunks are instant rock stars, behaving badly and being pried from Seville's clutches by the aforementioned slimy record executive. Will people act dumb to advance the story? Uh-huh. Will there be a tearful reunion/redemption at the end? Yup. Will reviewers across the country want to hunt down executive producer/professional scion Ross Bagdasarian Jr. with a chainsaw? Hugh betcha!
Why Does Alvin and the Chipmunks Suck?
Where to start, where to start . . .
How about the plot?
When you rack up the clichéd "Behind the Music" storyline, the twists any viewer can spot a mile away, the perfunctory love interest, inconsistent characterization, jokes that are about as funny as root canal without anasthetic, and the "acting stupid to serve the story" plot device, one ends up with a script that closely resembles the steaming turd that Simon forgot to eat.
(Yes, there is an "eating a turd" gag in this flick; 'gag' being used with malice aforethought)
And don't forget the Chekhov's Gun moment involving a note written then discarded, only to be found and misinterpreted at a critical moment. Screenwriting 101 professors are currently giving lectures on Jon Vitti, Will McRobb and Chris Viscardi's script under the sub-heading: "100 Things to Avoid When Writing a Screenplay."
Jason Lee looks lost at sea (hey, that rhymed) while pretending to act with a trio of rodents. Richardson has little to do in the "obligatory girlfriend" role (funny how much she looks like Bagdasarian's wife, Janice Karman) while Cross just chews the scenery as the villain. Director Tim Hill doesn't make too many serious mistakes . . . other than being unable to draw convincing performances from his lead actors.
Extra Features
Imagine a whole bunch of people with an over-inflated belief in their own wit trying to act funny. That's what happens in featurettes like "Behind the Nuts: A Munkumentary," "The Dudes Behind the Nuts" and "Get Munked."
There are also 2 music videos featuring the Chipmunks: one's an updated version of "The Chipmunk Song," and a version of Ross Bagdasarian's pre-Chipmunks hit "The Witch Doctor."
The Final Analysis
In a perfect world, anyone involved in this film would be suspended by their feet over a lake of molten lava and be forced to watch this insult to cinema for all eternity. Yes, it's that bad. 1/10
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